Tuesday, May 25, 2010


You swoop down on me
Like a sandstorm
Full of regret and apologies
Your words sting and tear
As they pelt against my flesh
Your promise to never stop loving me
Echos like thunder across the blurred orange horizon
The tears in your eyes
Flashing like lightning as they begin to fall
I know not how to escape your pain
As it threatens to swallow me
I close my eyes and my heart
I tell myself to keep breathing
And this storm will pass
That you will pass
And we can move on
Away from each other
Like we know is best.


She bides her time
On a secluded island
Avoiding nightmare filled sleep
Anything to keep her eyes from closing
And bringing you to mind
Food is not a necessity
Her body is not hungry for nutrients
It longs only for your touch once again
Your smile cupped in her bleeding hands
Your words a warm whisper in her ear
She floated here
On a wave of whiskey
So that she could not feel the pain
And the thud when she made land
She waits here, restless
As the tide rises
Slowly drowning the sand
The harder she clings to it
The faster it races through
The cracks of her fingers
She feels it slipping away
Like you and the love you once shared.


I roll out of darkness
Bumping into corners and caverns
Searching for the light
Which was always you
Nothing to illuminate my path
Through these days
I must face without your touch.
I roll through the daily routine
Part zombie, part robot
No heart beating inside my chest
To indicate that I am alive
Just motions, a life on repeat
I wish that I could rewind
To the day I lost you
So that I could stop fate
And hold you near.
I roll down this embankment
At incredible speed
Smashing through brush and debris
I can see the end before me
A morbid crash scene waiting
At the bottom of this mountain of life
That I roll down without you
Chasing a memory
Of a love that will never be caught.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

***Catch and Release. It's a fundamental element of the game I've played a million times since I was a child. So why, in adulthood, do i find it so hard to remember the release part and let you go?***


As if I need a reminder
That you still exist
If only out of sight
Really was the equivalent
Of out of mind
And out of heart
Your name hijacks my calendar
And electronic reminders clog my email
In case I could’ve forgotten
Today is your birthday.
Remember last year?
When you said we’d meet
After you saw your friends
And you again let me down
And were nowhere to be found?
You were never found.
Never around.
Never loved me enough
Until I told you to disappear for good.


You make it sound so innocent
Like a game I could play with
My 3 year old nephew
On a warm summer day
As the sun gleams in our eyes
And we share giggles
While prancing in the grass
And catching giant sharks
On our makeshift tree limb fishing poles
But I know better
Nothing is easy
He may not know that yet
But I have learned over the years
That living life to it’s fullest
Is the hardest thing I’ll ever do
So easy to get caught up in the
Mundane cycle of every day
Missing the joys that tickle
Our noses and then float
Away on the breeze
Wishing with each tomorrow
That we could recapture
And stay a little longer in
The moment that made
Our hearts warm
And beat true.

Walking in circles

Walking in circles
Stuck on this path
Thinking if I could just
Make my feet move swiftly
I could find the courage
To veer straight at
The next bend.
I have memorized
The scenery
Every crack in this sidewalk
Each tree along
The waters edge
Every spider web
Etched over the colored lights
Along a bridge
That saves me from drowning
Within myself.

Monday, May 10, 2010

***some days i feel like the lone luggage on the baggage carousal that no one has come to claim.***

Sunday, May 9, 2010

mothers day

it's not the same today
years spent together
there's a void in our hearts
no more giggles in the basement
bouncing off the muraled walls
i always thought that scene was so funny
i would give anything to be eating
oatmeal cake at the long table
drinking kool-aid out of the orange thermos
and being together again
whispering stories
and watching those around us
wonder what we were up to
playing softball in the yard
grandpa running bases in his cowboy boots
rocking on the front porch
sitting on the back deck
watching aunts and cousins and uncles mingle
pictures by the grove
the shiny globe in the middle of the flowers
reflecting love and family
unless of course
some child nails it with a baseball bat
memories i will always cherish
of the once glorious holiday we
all spent together every year
it could never be same
without his smile there
to welcome us at the door
i cried today because
my heart aches
for i miss him
and our day
and the way
they brought us all together
every mothers day.