***My love for you is like a revolving door. I can see clearly through to the other side but sometimes I get stuck going round and round and lose myself in dizziness inside.***

Fucknut

The words that fly off my tongue
Seem not to do you justice
Jackass really can’t encompass
The ire that rages through my
Expanding veins
My face flush with heat
It feels like I could cook
Breakfast on my skin
I want to lash you
Verbally, mentally, physically
But my attempts
To make you understand
Bounce back like shotgun pellets
Striking me in the face
And deepening my wounds
I can’t believe I fell in love
With such a fucknut
Or worse,
That I continue to let you hurt me.

***Since the day I met you, limbo is no longer just a game you play at parties.***

Pudding

You make me feel like a degenerate
My mind flusterpated while I try
To combat your diabolical plan
To torment and diminish me
Some days I feel like I’m drowning
Chained by the ankles
In a vat of tapioca pudding
Thick and bubbly
This is not what I wanted
I did not read the fine print
When I signed up for life with you
I dare not try to scream for help
For each time I open my mouth
I find myself choking on your lies
And excuses
Thick like the goo that binds me here

***Some days it feels like Cupid has a really sick sense of humor and I think we should be able to shoot him in return.***

Tremors

You visit me
In midnight dreams
Smiles on photo finished paper
And a program to celebrate your life
That hangs on my mirror
Every day reminding me that you are gone
Like a light breeze blowing across my heart
Sadness in it’s molecules that no one can see
But oh how we all feel what is missing
You
Like the san andreas fault
Rocking and shaking our worlds
Tremors of loss
Damage that cannot be insured
We are stuck
Like the plates of the earth
Grinding against each other
Searching for answers
We will never find
And trying not to ruin
What is left of us.

River

Her tears fall
Like april showers
Flooding the muddy river
That runs through the center
Of this town
Some days she wishes
The shaky bank on which she stands
would cave and wash her away
she closes her eyes
and imagines the murky madness
rising around her
as she rides the waves
into the darkness
where she would find solice
in your arms
together for eternity
a love that was never meant to be
forever

Erase

I wonder, when you’re driving,
And you see a car like mine
Do you turn your head to see
If it happens to be me?
Do you wonder what I’m doing
When you pass that parking lot
Where I laid in your arms under the stars
One sticky June evening
Clinging to each other
As the end tumbled towards us?
Do you mean it when you tell me
That you’re glad I’m happy and
That I have moved on?
Does your heart remain mine
In your promise to love me forever?
Will your mind and body ever be free
Of the times we shared and the future
That we never captured?
Perhaps it’s just me that cared enough
To wonder some days how you are and
When my mind will finally erase you?

Temper

Your temper ignites
Like a wild fire in a santa ana wind
Blowing across the dry foothills of our life
Devastating all in it’s path
I do not know how to combat the flames
That char my heart when you rage
The burning in your eyes
And gasoline on your tongue
Only you can put it out
As I wait for the rain to calm you
So we can be alive again

Flag like me

I float in the wind
Clinging to the pole
Shredded and tattered
Discolored by rain
Edges burned by hatred
Others have tried
To hide me
Silence what I stand for
Yet I fly free
And persevere
For all those who believe
In me still.

Bomb

Sitting around the kitchen table
Watching my family self-destruct
Like a ticking time bomb
With no meter to warn
Of the official detonation time
The wick burns slowly
Sparks flying all around
No one knows how
To blow it out
Or disassemble
The devastation that lurks
Our heated words
Only fan the flame
And speed the process
There is no calm or cool
No plan to escape
We just sit and wait
Pointing fingers
Laying blame
To proud to say
I’m sorry.

As Is

It grows
Like a fire inside me
A war I rage
Against myself
Unsure if there will ever
Be a clear victor
Wanting it so badly
Scared it might come true
But knowing that
I don’t want to remain
As is.