Saturday, February 27, 2010


You said you were born to make a splash
But I never thought it would be like this
An infinite ripple in our hearts
The black bottom of the lake we can never reach
No matter how long or deep we dive
You have gone before us
Though it was not God’s plan
You took it into your own hands
And we sit, silent, staring
Out onto the water that we can never calm
The waves we can never catch
And the you we can never have back.

Friday, February 26, 2010


I was surprised one day to see a beautiful woman
Dumpster diving in high heels and a designer dress
In the alley behind my apartment
I asked what a woman of apparent high class
Was doing in a steel box full of garbage
She said that he had stolen her heart
And she searched everywhere to locate it
She was hoping that since he turned out to be trash
That maybe he had hidden it there.


The only word scribbled upon the back
Was “cupcake”
The front a picture of the Chicago skyline
On a sticky summer night
Where it felt like the stars were shining
So brightly
They made their own heat
We lay in the garden
Under a blue moon
Sipping mojitos
Beads of sweat dangling from our brows
An electricity like lightning between us
When your hand grazed my thigh
For one night I was positive that I had
Discovered paradise
And it was in your arms.


This is me
For you
Laid upon these pages
An open book
A schedule of events
Statistics, general information
And emotions
That have come to pass.
Unable to predict the future
I grasp this tablet like a saving sword
And piece together the words to convey
Who I am at this particular moment
Hoping that someday
They will all understand my plight
And the paths I chose
As I had not an atlas to guide me
On decisions of the heart
All I could do was follow the beating
That led me on a magical tour
That I would never trade
For all the worlds wealth
For it was in these mistakes, trials and
Tribulations that I came to be
And for that, I shall never apologize.


I settle in the sound
Of feet pounding on the pavement
In sync with the blood
That pounds through my head
I feel the tingling rise
Through my toes and every joint
Within this casing of my body
Until it feels like there is a fire
raging inside
I almost convince myself
If I push harder, push faster
That I will truly take flight
Like a bird that swoops overhead
In a cloudy winter sky
My chest heaves in and out
Tears sting my eyes
Then spill unto my crimson cheeks
A meeting of such opposite degrees
It causes a slight fog around me
As my body turns to jelly
I want to lay down and quit
But I know that I must keep running
If I want to find myself again.

Monday, February 22, 2010


I’m tired of the games we play
the things we say
the lies we tell
to get through the day
the excuses we make
the vows that we break
the pain we feel
the punishment we take
the words so unkind
the reasons we can’t find
that I cannot let go
of the love that binds.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I think about you differently now
nothing but a bad habit I used to overindulge in
I can’t think of you as a lost love
or a great adventure
or anything that casts you in a positive light
you were nothing positive
you were a lesson I should’ve
never had to learn
you were a drug that took years
to break free of
I was an experiment to you…
you the mad scientist
that turned me inside out
and rewired everything good and true
that once resided inside me
I became your Frankenstein
ready at your beck and call
unable to walk away from my master
or think or do for myself
until one day
he broke in and saw me captive
and fought like hell to free me
and I almost destroyed him in the process
as he tried to save me from you.
So don’t you dare ask if I miss you
or if I’m sure that he is the one.
My 12 step program from you is complete
and I will never live under that oppression again
I have found my angel and love
or rather, he found me.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


it doesn’t have to be like this
a bitter war that stains the streets
we could call a truce
if you could find the truth inside you
and attempt to live in peace
if you’d let go of your jealousy
accept the fact that he’s moved on
as you said you had years ago
why now? why make everyone miserable?
just because you like the company?
how selfish can you be?
it isn’t me your hurting
although I am your primary target
my suffering is insignificant
compared to theirs
the ones you claim to care for
and protect.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


the tormented glint in his aching brown eyes
warned me that he was on the verge of disaster
he traced his calloused finger around the rim
of what he hoped was his magic potion
a glass of distilled rye
that tickled his tongue
danced in his belly
and blurred out the memory of her in his mind.


my body convulses from the cold
as I lay on a velvety blanket of snow
watching my breath crystallize
in the midnight air
I hear footsteps crunch in the distance
my unraveling is an enigma to those who once loved me
they know not how to mend my wounds
nor do i
I want to call out your name
but it is frozen in my sobbing throat
I close my eyes and picture your face
as the darkness begins to swallow me
the tree branches around me
like the fangs of a beast
bend towards me in a tormenting rhythm
at what point do I give up
and let them ravage what is left of this soul
in the hopes of finding you in heaven
and giving you back this crimson heart
that will always beat only for you?

Monday, February 8, 2010


the lies she tells
scorches their faces
with shame and disgrace
a permanent scar
that shall never heal
I know not how to save
the innocent lambs
from the womb that gave them life
that now turns a blind eye
to how she slaughters them
as they grow

Angel tears

Angel’s tears, frozen,
drifting from heaven
in the form of a snowflake,
white out the sky
and the tallest of buildings
as they dance in the wind
criss crossing a beautiful pattern
to the snowy ground below
where I stand
trying desperately to catch
the one you sent for me
I reach out my pale hand
and wait for my gift from you
when it lands
I get one moment of peace
seeing you in the intricate etchings
and then it melts away,
like you,
gone forever from my grasp.


I watch this life
and our love
being ripped to shreds
until she holds
all that we are
in the form of confetti
in the palm of her
evil fucking hand
and tries to blow
away the pieces
so that we can
never be one again
we fight with all
our power
to keep it together
and cling to
what we know is right
and good
and pray some day
we can glue this mess
she has made
back together.


I can’t comprehend
this cold pillow next to my head
all the room in this bed
the silence that surrounds me
the dark sinking feeling
that it will be so many nights
before you return to me
torn away by another’s lies
I cannot conceal these tears I cry
calling out for you
wishing you were home
unable to escape this mess
or breathe deeply without you
I gasp for shallow breaths
and count off the days
until you return to me
and I can live again.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Mary Poppins

The frozen cement
pounds beneath my feet
each step I take
trying to get closer to you
a sliver of sun slips through
the skyscrapers and
falls upon my face
I look up to soak it all in
and imagine
becoming Mary Poppins,
flying with my umbrella
over the city
laughing at the dots
that are people below
as I land swiftly at home
and rush into your warm
and waiting arms.

Ice fog

I hear you faintly
calling my name
through the ice fog
that blinds the city
leaving slick streets
and no visibility
I feel blind
and cannot find you
as the fog bears down
on the words you feel
like you are shouting
but they fall deaf
and to the ground
frozen in time
never to reach me
for once the fog lifts
you will disappear with it
leaving me longing
and shivering for you again.


he told me to think carefully
and that I was required to
read the fine print below
this wasn’t a weekend getaway
I was signing up for
instead, a lifetime of togetherness
I told him that I agreed
to all conditions as long as he
would be careful with my delicate heart
as it wasn’t an organ for trial operation
and could not be sewn up neatly
if broken again
he swore to love me completely
and never allow the beating to slow
and I promised that he would be
my one and only for eternity
and with those words
the vows were already made
and the rings and ceremony
were just a formality
as we had already given
our hearts completely to the other.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Wash you away

the stress you cause
is giving me gray hairs
I’m too young for that
I must wash you away
let your snide comments
glide off of my back
like beads of water
in a warm relaxing shower
your games
bounce past me
like a basketball passed
on a downhill court
your attitude
sail past me
like a stiff breeze
on a spring morning
I need not join the misery
you wallow in
I must wash you away.


your words
so sharp and defensive
while you flash
that artificial smile
I wonder
what has happened
to change you
180 degrees
I look into
your hollow eyes
and feel as if
I never really knew
you at all
a cold bitter heart
to match the weather
that surrounds us
brings a warm tear
to my eye
for I believe
you are too far gone
too survive
until the thaw
sets in.

Monday, February 1, 2010


The sounds of my tear drops
echo through the house
bouncing off the hardwood floors
and empty walls
my heavy breathing
matched by what sounds like
an avalanche of thoughts in my ears
as I try so hard to keep it together
never before has it seemed so cold
as it does tonight
I can’t shake the chill
that drills through my skin
and confiscates my bones
this is the sound of alone.


I know I shouldn’t dial those 10 numbers
I can’t help this ache to call you
it seems etched in every fabric of my being
and overtakes my fingers
like a poltergeist from beyond
I want to hear your voice
see your smile
have you laugh at my dramatics
and tell me that everything will be alright
like you always have
promising it will all work out in the end
but this seems to be the end
and it has not worked out at all
like we had planned
I don’t know how
to sit idly by
and watch my life and things I love
slip through my fingers
like wet noodles on an icy grid
the harder I grasp
the further away it all
seems to slide
so I stop…
holding my breath
frozen with fear
praying that you will pick up
and soon be near
but like all other things
you too have slipped away.