Friday, November 6, 2009

In The Garage

We stand, awkwardly in the garage,
Not sure what is left to say.
Your eyes are burning through the top of my head
As you stare my direction, waiting
I prefer to look down and watch my feet shuffle and sweep
the dirty garage floor
I can’t believe I wore these shoes to see you.
“So?” you ask quietly in a whisper that took my breath away
so many times before.
“So what?” I pretend I do not know what you are getting at.
You lean against the car next to me,
Your hips barely brushing against mine
You place your head upon my shoulder and let out a sad sigh
I’m not sure my heart can take this
I play with the zipper on my sweatshirt
and ask about your baseball team that’s in the playoffs,
as if I care at all.
You know how much I despise that team.
You take my hand in yours and cup my chin with the other,
forcing me to look into those piercing crystal eyes.
They are welling with tears
Mine soon match, knowing those tears are on my behalf.
“Just tell me what I have to do to make you love me again.”
You plead that you will do whatever it takes.
I remind you that you weren’t willing to do anything
when I needed it from you the most.
You tell me to stop bringing up the past and focus on the future.
All I can tell you is that there is no future.
I flinch when you toss your favorite cap across the oil-streaked floor
and run your frustrated hands across your newly shaven head.
I quickly wipe away the lone tear that has escaped down my cheek.
I swore I would never cry for you again.
You quickly take the blame for the past and tell me how much you love me.
You touch my face again and say “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me”
I swallow what feels like Mt. Saint Helens going down the back of my throat.
“I do love you. I will always love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
You think it’s because of him.
There is nothing I can say to make you realize that it’s all because of you.
You couldn’t love me like you promised me you were going to.
You never even tried until it was too late. And even now,
your effort, although valiant, is a miserable attempt at what should come so easy…
if you truly felt that way about me with all your heart and soul.
But you don’t. I know this. As much as you want to.
As much as you’ve convinced yourself you do.
You say you’ve never loved anyone like you love me.
I don’t doubt you.
But you have a lot to learn about what it takes to love someone right.
It pains me to leave you alone like this with tears on your cheeks,
standing in a dirty and dark garage, grasping to what we once had.
I never thought I would walk away from you
But I have to now.

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