Dead Dandelion

I watch it dance along the wind
White tentacles stretching lazily in every direction
Blissful and at peace
Bobbing through the air
Teasing me to follow it on its great adventure
Once it was a flower
Bound to the ground by stem and roots
Picked by children and rubbed across their rosy cheeks
They say it dies when the color fades
And the pedals disappear
But I believe that’s when it truly lives
No longer chained down
Free to be light and magical
And follow the wind
Never to return to the same time and place
I envy the journey
Of this flowers death
For it has finally found freedom

In The Garage

We stand, awkwardly in the garage,
Not sure what is left to say.
Your eyes are burning through the top of my head
As you stare my direction, waiting
I prefer to look down and watch my feet shuffle and sweep
the dirty garage floor
I can’t believe I wore these shoes to see you.
“So?” you ask quietly in a whisper that took my breath away
so many times before.
“So what?” I pretend I do not know what you are getting at.
You lean against the car next to me,
Your hips barely brushing against mine
You place your head upon my shoulder and let out a sad sigh
I’m not sure my heart can take this
I play with the zipper on my sweatshirt
and ask about your baseball team that’s in the playoffs,
as if I care at all.
You know how much I despise that team.
You take my hand in yours and cup my chin with the other,
forcing me to look into those piercing crystal eyes.
They are welling with tears
Mine soon match, knowing those tears are on my behalf.
“Just tell me what I have to do to make you love me again.”
You plead that you will do whatever it takes.
I remind you that you weren’t willing to do anything
when I needed it from you the most.
You tell me to stop bringing up the past and focus on the future.
All I can tell you is that there is no future.
I flinch when you toss your favorite cap across the oil-streaked floor
and run your frustrated hands across your newly shaven head.
I quickly wipe away the lone tear that has escaped down my cheek.
I swore I would never cry for you again.
You quickly take the blame for the past and tell me how much you love me.
You touch my face again and say “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me”
I swallow what feels like Mt. Saint Helens going down the back of my throat.
“I do love you. I will always love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
You think it’s because of him.
There is nothing I can say to make you realize that it’s all because of you.
You couldn’t love me like you promised me you were going to.
You never even tried until it was too late. And even now,
your effort, although valiant, is a miserable attempt at what should come so easy…
if you truly felt that way about me with all your heart and soul.
But you don’t. I know this. As much as you want to.
As much as you’ve convinced yourself you do.
You say you’ve never loved anyone like you love me.
I don’t doubt you.
But you have a lot to learn about what it takes to love someone right.
It pains me to leave you alone like this with tears on your cheeks,
standing in a dirty and dark garage, grasping to what we once had.
I never thought I would walk away from you
But I have to now.

Cut the String

You tell me you’re glad I’m strong and that I can do it for the both of us.
Funny, I don’t feel strong at all when it comes to you.
I wish that my heart were made of steel.
Every time we speak it feels like a tiny pin poking a hole through me
And my heart starts to bleed out for you.
Is the bandage I apply each time just a temporary fix?
There has to be a day ahead where I don’t love you,
When you won’t have any effect on me,
When it doesn’t hurt so badly to tell you no.
I know what I want and need and where my future lies
You are not in that picture.
So why do I cling to that string from the past?
I need to cut the string and tuck it in an envelope,
Seal it shut and hide it away.
But when I try to cut it, you fight and grasp tighter,
Hanging on for dear life,
As if losing me completely will be your demise.
That is so unfair of you to do to me.
It’s unfair of me to let you.
I’ve begged you to cut yourself loose but you refuse.
I must make this final cut so that my heart can finally heal from you.

Pillow

I roll in the darkness
Expecting to bump into your warm body at any moment
But instead I just find the edge of the bed
I run my finger along the sheets
Where your back should be
Up to the pillow
Where your head used to lie
I nestled my face into the puffiness
I can smell you there
Your cologne and the shampoo in your hair
I breathe as deeply as I can
Wanting to take in all of you
I nearly suffocate myself trying to recapture you
I can’t stop the tears that cascade from my eyes
I scream your name into this pillow abyss
Knowing you won’t hear me
Nobody can tonight
I scream until I can no longer make a sound
My eyes are dried up and itching
Like my eyelids are made out of sandpaper
I am exhausted on your side of the bed
My broken heart beating for only you in my chest
Your tear stained pillow under my head

He Waits

He waits for her
The lights turned down
A lone cricket’s chirp
Is the only sound
that makes him feel
he’s not alone
within these walls
they called their home
the house they built
with sweat and tears
that protected them
for all these years
the walls he thought
kept out the bad
but now he questions
all they ever had
for a thief has come
into their lair
he sits waiting
but she’s not there
and he knows that she
has found someone new
but he doesn’t know
what else to do
so he sits alone
and cries and prays
that maybe she will
come back today.

Hollow

In my head I had contemplated a million different scenarios
Eloquent words that would tell you the truth
And somehow protect you from the pain
Today when you called I couldn’t remember
Any of the phrases I had practiced
Instead, I just blurted it out,
Scared if I didn’t throw it at you now,
I would never have the courage again
I figured I should just rip that band-aid off
Instead of pulling it slowly and causing more pain
The silence from you was unbearable
All I could hear was my heart beating in my ears
I couldn’t mutter a single word
As I waited for your reaction
It came slow and pained
You said you felt like you couldn’t breathe
I knew the feeling too well
Despite all we’ve been through
I’ve never wanted to hurt you
Never wanted you to know what it felt like
to be me and love you
and hurt so deep inside some days your chest feels hollow
but now I guess you do.

He Loves Me

I’ve never had anyone love me as well as he does
I told my father
When he asked about the smile I couldn’t wipe off of my face
When I’m laughing with my friends
When I’m goofy late at night because I’m tired
When I’m sad because it feels like the walls are caving in
When I’m yelling at the football game on a Sunday afternoon
When I’m curled up in his arms, his breath tickling my face
He loves me like I’ve never been loved before
And some moments, it takes my breath away
And brings tears to my eyes
I wonder if I deserve a love like this
To feel this glorious and fulfilled and complete
Maybe I do, maybe I don’t
All I know is that I will spend the rest of my life
Trying to love him as well as he does me.