Little sister

I remember

You with your blonde curls

And blue eyes

Staring up at me

Wishing I would guide

And teach you

Everything I knew

I remember

Being too busy

To be bothered with a little sister

Until you were no longer there

And no longer cared

What I was up to

And I watched you forge

A path on your own

Strong and true

And then all I wanted

Was to learn from you. 

twisted

Twisted

Like metal in an F-5

Wrapped around what I used to be

And what the elements of life

Have molded me into

Different than I began

But each day

I am stronger

It isn’t the negativity which you project

It’s the careless way you toss it about

Towards people’s heads

With no regards

That you may have just

Broke their heart

That makes me wonder

Who you have become

It makes my heart hollow

And my eyes moist

As my ears ring

With others views of you

And I rush to defend

Unsure why

When you no longer want

Me by your side.  

Cage

You sit
Stuck in a rut
Like a rat in a cage
Too lazy to jump out of the wheel to nowhere
You spin
Because at least then
the world revolves solely around you
And you don't have to pretend
That you care about anyone else
Or their feelings
Or a conversation that doesn't
Directly affect you
God forbid there be a valid world
Outside your cage of denial.

***When you run to the end of the Earth for love and it doesn’t work out, maybe it just means you’re about to explore a new universe.***

Crevice

I refuse to be stagnant
Caught in a crevice of content
I will not be held down
Or buried under your love
I will climb and excel
And beat the odds
I am strong
And soon I will be free.

Zombie

My ring should be there
But it cannot be worn
My life has been shredded, tattered and torn
I can’t wear my love
On a finger for you
After the things you have chosen to do
I woke up one morning
And lost all that I loved
And I’m finding forgiveness is just too tough
I walk like a zombie
I’m so dead inside
To know that our love and our life is a lie
Don’t tell me you’re sorry
Your words have no meaning
Just let me go so I can try to stop this bleeding
And somehow move on
And regain my life
I can no longer trust you and I can’t be your wife.

Stand strong

You can cut up your fucking victim card
We’re not running that special any longer
What you’ve done has nothing to do with his death
So stop whispering his name as if it will make me soft
And forgive what you have done to me
Out of love for him
And the friendship I thought we shared
There is no amount of excuses, sickness
Or addictions that can make this okay
One second, that’s all I wanted,
For you to be accountable
Just for once
Didn’t I deserve that from you?
Hadn’t I stood strong by your side
When the rest of the world had left?
And now I find myself as the one that is alone
Because I trusted those that I loved
And thought they were of the same loyalties as I
But we are nothing alike
I will not beg and cry and plead for pity
I will not flash my vulnerabilities for love
You may not be capable
But I, I will stand strong on my own.

Dark ice

Tainted and deserted
I cannot bare to walk past the threshold
Of forgiveness
Or our house
Which you have ruined
Turned to dark ice
This could never be home again.

I got this

I float
Swift and with grace
No longer hobbling along
I watch my shadow chase
Dreams that once seemed
So out of reach
Now the taste of them
Tickle my tongue
And I know they are mine
To devour
For I will not chain
Myself to doubt and fear
Again
I run towards endless possibilities
Instead of cowering in the corner
I got this
The world is mine

***
Some days it seems like my sole purpose in life is to be a shining example to other people that their lives could always be worse.

***
Proof that God has a wicked sense of humor.

Tumble

Wailing siren
Thumps in my ears
Alerting me
I must rise
I reach to your side
Of an empty bed
And tears escape
Through matted eyes
You are still gone
And the world expects me
To go on, one day at a time
As if I can function
Without you
My life, my love,
And all that makes me whole
A tower cannot stand in a storm
Without its foundation
And I tumble without you
To hold me.

Doomed

Fear
Strangles my heart
The judgment before us
Encroaching on love
Evil tentacles in a murky water
Dragging and pulling me under
Red blood mixes like a doomed cocktail
I grasp for you
Holding my breath
Knowing I will drown without you
The rock and my love
That gives me life.

Hiding

I reach and you crouch
Low in the dark
As my hands fumble for love
You sit silent as I suffer
I only seek simple words
That you cannot muster
Until my hand finds the knob
And the lock clicks undone
When the light of the outside
Starts to break across my face
I shield my eyes
And hear you finally whisper my name
And that you’ve been waiting
For me to find you
But I know
You’ve been hiding.

Brother

Your face is a giant marshmallow
I could roast it on a stick like a smore
The goo would paste my fingers together
in a silent mockery
as the charred flesh
burns my tongue and asphyxiates me.
I see you melt away.
You taste like the flames that scorch you
but I could never harm you.
Remember our younger days?
The fun we had together
and oh the evil tricks we played
on everyone around us.
I wish that this was just
another one of those games.
Mother always said we must be good
and not tempt the sharp edge of recklessness
or it would come back to bite us in the end.
I have been bitten and now a piece of me is missing.
We should have listened.
We were as captive as renegade snowflakes
drifting through the world,
slaying dragons and saving kittens.
But I could not always protect you, brother.
The hardest lesson I’ve ever learned is now.
The marshmallow lies peacefully
on a satin blanket
his face so pale, so swollen.
Tomorrow and ever after I shall journey alone.

Fairytale

When I was a girl
I dwelled in a world
of princes, white horses and gold
I lived so it seemed
in a world full of dreams
and the stories my mother once told.
There were diamonds and lace
such a magical place
that I tried to recapture in years
but those stories were void
no pain, only joy
and the princess I played cried real tears.
The men that you meet
aren't always so sweet
although charming sometimes for awhile
but you better beware,
yes, watch them with care
for intentions based deeper than smiles.
Sometimes gold turns to dust
like honor and trust
and you find that you're left all alone
once love has been planted
then taken for granted
you regret the seeds you have sewn.

Train

She runs, steady
Like a train slicing through the night
With a single light
And a lonely whistle
To signify her approach
Durable and plain
Feeling obsolete
Because nobody takes
The train anymore

broken

I utter words in isolation
For no audience to retain
You cannot grasp
What I am trying to say
Your ears filled with concrete
Because you can never be wrong
My heart beats with fear
Because I am not that strong
My love for you leads me astray
I don’t want to leave
But I’m afraid
Each day a piece of me cracks even more
And I’m scared I’m to broken
To walk out the door

Drift

I drift
You don’t notice
I float
Further away
You swim
In the other direction
And then wonder
Why I add my tears
To the sea

Trophy

His ego wears her
Like a garnish
On an overpriced steak
To make him feel
Complete and important
She flashes her plastic smile
Like she’s part of something grand
Oblivious to the fact
That she’s completely
Expendable.